Prom Dress Booted Out
When it comes to high school, prom is the highlight of most teenagers’ school years. The night is full of fun and laughter, and the magic becomes fond memories for years to come. For Clare Ettinger, however, the night of her prom would be far from the fantasy she had wished for. Her friends had all spent hours upon hours looking for a dress that would be unique and beautiful for their prom. Clare was having some trouble finding the right dress for herself. Even after she found a fair selection of prom dresses that spoke to her, she knew that the school had some strict policies about what was allowed to be worn to the prom and what was not.
Big Plans
17-year-old Clare Ettinger and her boyfriend, James Thompson were jumping with excitement about the upcoming “Twilight in Paris” themed prom. They had so many positive expectations for the night of the prom and James even made sure to get tickets well in advance. It was going to be their night, nothing could change that. Clare was extra careful to stick to the dress code that was in place in order to avoid any trouble on prom night. She double and triple-checked every dress she tried on.
Finding The Right Dress
Like all of her friends, finding the perfect dress for the prom was challenging. But she had exhausted herself with searching when she found “the one”. The dress was a glittery and sparkly silver cocktail dress that she picked up at Macy’s. She could hardly wait to show it off to her friends.
Finding The Right Dress
Best of all, the legth was just what she was looking for. The rule was that dresses needed to be longer than ‘finger length’ on each girl. Meaning that when she stood with her arms by her sides, the dress needed to be long enough to reach past her fingertips. This dress was perfect.
Saving Up
Finding the dress was only one part of the adventure Clare experienced, she also needed to be able to pay for it. Luckily for her, she responsibly saved up money for weeks from the tips she received at her job.
Saving Up
Things were really looking good and she was thrilled about how her luck turned out so well. Not to mention, her dress was long enough according to the rules – even with her shoes on! She couldn’t be happier.
Passing The Test
Seeing as there was a meticulous dress-length test she needed to pass, she made sure her dress was fine. The rules instructed that the hem of the dress needed to fall below her fingertips. Aside from the length test, the invitation called for the girls’ dresses to be semi-formal.
Passing The Test
Clare relaxed when she saw that her dress passed the length requirements. There was something special about this dress, she could feel it, and she was ready to show it off to all her friends.
Sharing The Excitement
Just like most teenagers, as she readied herself for the prom, she took to social media to share her excitement. She wrote on her sister’s blog, “I’m all dolled up, channeling my inner Marilyn Monroe with my blonde hair and bright red lipstick.”
Sharing The Excitement
But something drastically changed when she donned her dress for the final and most important time. She had an uneasy feeling in her stomach when she and her boyfriend arrived at the venue.
A Hiccup
Even though she had put on the dress a number of times prior to the day of the prom, this final time there was something different about the dress. When she wore it with a pair of heels, the fit seemed to be different.
A Hiccup
Standing still wouldn’t be a problem, but if she made movements, like dancing or walking, her dress would hike up her thighs. She needed to be mindful to move gracefully to avoid any problems.
No Entry
When Clare arrived at the dance, the school administration wasted no time in approaching her. Ann Duncan, one of the event’s organizers, stopped her at the door and told her, “Honey, that dress is too short.”
No Entry
Clare knew the rules that she had to follow and quickly responded to Duncan by saying, “What is the rule?” Of course, she got the response she wanted, seeing as there was only one rule to follow.
Making Excuses
Ann Duncan looked sternly at Clare and responded, “Fingertip length.” Clare thought she could convince the teacher to let her in with an argument that Clare was simply a “tall and curvy girl with long legs”.
Making Excuses
However, the teacher wasn’t having any of her excuses and informed Clare that her dress didn’t match the dress code, despite the fact that Clare showed her that the dress was, in fact, long enough.
Getting In
Clare wasn’t ready to be sent home, after all, her dress did actually pass the “fingertip test”. She showed Mrs. Duncan that her dress – albeit by a strand – was in actual fact long enough. The teacher refused to acknowledge it, still insisting Clare was wrong.
Making Her Point
Eventually, the teacher finally relented and allowed her access to the bathroom, but both of them knew it was a pretty close call. Clare was already feeling somewhat frustrated by this point.
Getting A Warning
Mrs. Duncan didn’t let Clare in without shooting her a concerned warning to make sure it “stays pulled down”. She also repeated that she thought the dress was too short and insisted that she would keep an eye on Clare.
Getting A Warning
Despite Clare showing her that the dress was clearly long enough, Mrs. Duncan wasn’t having it. She kept telling Clare to make sure the dress would stay pulled down at all times.
A Sigh Of Relief
When Clair made it to the bathroom she sighed a breath of relief that she finally made it inside. Later she would recall, “When I got into the ballroom I laughed because I was surrounded by girls in much shorter dresses than me, albeit they were shorter, and therefore stood out less in the crowd, but it was still frustrating.”
A Sigh Of Relief
But now she was inside and she was ready to have a great time, just as she had planned. She shook off her frustration and began to make her way to the dancefloor. Her boyfriend quickly joined her.
Something Was Off
When Clare and her boyfriend made it to the dance floor, they described the feeling as different from previous years. The event was quite overcrowded with chaperones and dads that took away the feeling of a high school ball.
Something Was Off
But what really made them all feel uncomfortable, were the fathers standing on the balcony looking down inappropriately at all the girls dancing. They’re only job was to keep an eye on things at the prom.
Feeling Uncomfortable
After the dance, Clare wrote on her blog, “I felt violated by the sheer number of male parents that were assigned to do nothing for five hours other than watch girls in short dresses and heels dance to upbeat music.”
Feeling Uncomfortable
She continued, “I think that it is sick and wrong that they assigned them to sit on a balcony above us and look down on us and single us out for our clothes or dancing.”
Trouble
Even though there was a lot going on around them that made them feel uncomfortable, the teenagers didn’t want to let anything ruin their dance. But there was something reaching its boiling point on the sidelines that the teens didn’t know about.
Trouble
Clare noticed Mrs. Duncan storming towards her on the dance floor. Something was about to change quite drastically. All she and her friends had been doing was sway to the music playing! What could they have done?
Telling Her Off
Mrs. Duncan ordered Clare off the dance floor and pulled her into a corner with another parent. “She took me into a corner in the hallway, with another woman – who I’m assuming was a parent chaperone”.
Telling Her Off
” – and told me that some of the dads who were chaperoning had complained that my dancing was too provocative and that I was going to cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts,” Clare wrote on her blog. But who really had the impure thoughts, the young teens or the older dads watching from above?
Double Standards
It really irked Clare that the adults accused her of initiating “impure thoughts”. She felt like she was supposed to be “the bad guy” when she was complying with all the rules. She wondered why on earth she had to take responsibility for what the other boys and men might think.
Double Standards
Clare was not ready to sit back and do nothing. Instead, she tried to reason with Mrs. Duncan, showing her and explaining to her that she was doing absolutely nothing wrong.
Not Seeing Eye To Eye
Clare was boiling inside but she fought herself to keep her calm. She tried to explain to Mrs. Duncan that aside from her dress being appropriate, she hadn’t even danced yet. There was nothing she could have done that would have gotten her in trouble.
Not Seeing Eye To Eye
She said, “I never signed any documentation agreeing to adhere to any sort of dress code, and the dress code that was verbally communicated to me was followed to the letter.” When Clare’s friends came to her aid, the teacher quickly told them not to intervene. Clare’s boyfriend decided it was time to take action.
Getting Refunds
James told the administrators, “That’s fine, she wasn’t doing anything wrong but if you’re kicking her out then the group that she came with is leaving too and you’ll need to refund all of our tickets.” The rest of Clare’s friends were also ready to leave at that point and demanded their $25 refund too.
Getting Refunds
But Clare wasn’t pleased with a refund, she felt humiliated and victimized. So, she decided to take action in the only way she could. She didn’t want to let this pass silently. She had to say something about it.
Negotiations Fail
Negotiations continued for what felt like an eternity, but in the end, they didn’t bring any solutions. Mrs. Duncan then lost her patience and repeatedly said, “I will not debate with you about this!”
Negotiations Fail
When James returned to try to calm the situation, Duncan lost it and abruptly called a chaperone to sort out the issue once and for all. The whole group was kicked out of the prom.
Kicked Out
Mrs. Duncan called in security to remove the girl and her friends from the premises. All her dreams of being at the prom came crashing down in less than 5 minutes. As the security guard escorted her out, she asked him what he thought of the situation.
Kicked Out
“I asked the security guy if my dress was compliant with the dress code and if he had noticed any inappropriateness in my behavior and he said he didn’t think I did anything to get kicked out but it wasn’t his call.”
Not Her Responsibility
She later wrote, “I have long legs and I was wearing a sparkly dress, I didn’t look like most of the 13-15-year-old girls there, I looked like a woman. I am so tired of people who abuse their power to make women feel violated and ashamed.”
Not Her Responsibility
“I was told that the way I dressed and moved my body was causing men to think inappropriately about me, implying that it is my responsibility to control other people’s thoughts and drives.”
Nowhere To Go
Clare and her friends were very upset but Clare felt that she needed to get her revenge, and she did. She took to the internet to express her feelings. “We walked out of the prom, frustrated and angry and feeling very disrespected and violated,” Clare said.
Nowhere To Go,
She decided to write a lengthy blog post explaining exactly what had happened, from beginning to end. She spared no detail as she described how the administrator treated her and spoke to her.
Social Media
When her story went viral, a mass of Facebook users visited the Richmond Homeschool Prom’s Facebook page. Their comments were far from friendly, rather they were critical and full of disgust.
Social Media
The administrators were quick to delete the comments, and eventually, they decided to delete their page. Although the situation seemed to die down, there was one person who wasn’t ready to let it go.
Taking Sides
Clare once again took her feeling to her blog and posted, “The whole situation made me feel violated, walked over, and ostracized. How is it that what I look like and how I dress constitutes the level of respect you give me?”
Taking Sides
The prom administrator, Mrs. Duncan, had a different story to tell, however. She insisted that things were not at all the way Clare claimed them to be. She even spoke to a news outlet about the situation.
Her Story
Mrs. Duncan told WTVR that “It was right below her butt cheeks by the time I saw her,” talking about her dress. She countered Clare’s comments that she accused the dads of staring at her specifically, saying that there were about 500 kids there.
Her Story
“So to be able to even say what they were looking at would be really difficult.” Clare decided to use a video of her and her boyfriend to argue Mrs. Duncan’s argument.
Standing Up
Clare started by saying, “I was informed by more than one friend who stayed at the prom throughout the course of the evening that there was some truly dirty dancing, and that there were several couples making out and grinding on the dance floor, and yet out of a group of 500 people, only one person, (me) got thrown out for inappropriate dancing.”
Standing Up
Callie Hobbs, another student, commented that she saw Clare “grinding” and she felt that both Clare and the teachers could have done things better. The story was quickly getting more complicated.
Making A Point
Clare wanted to clarify events from the night, “When the lady kicked me out, they said the dads had complained about my dancing and that meant that they had to have been watching me.” Since Clare was older and had a more developed body, she felt that she was targeted.
Making A Point
“This is a message to girls built like me, who can’t find jeans that fit!” Clare wrote, “The girls with long legs, who are forced to prove that their dresses fit the dress code, just because they have more leg showing than most girls.”
Making Her Point
“This is a message to the women who understand that sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you pin a dress, you’re still going to have cleavage show when you bend over,” Clare explained.
Making Her Point
“Enough with the slut-shaming,” Clare continued. “I’m not responsible for some perverted 45 years old dad lusting after me because I have a sparkly dress on. And if you think I am, then maybe you’re part of the problem.”
Fighting Back
Clare expressed, “We were verbally promised a full refund for our group, we received only a refund for my ticket, they need to refund 5 more tickets for our group.” Both Clare and her boyfriend James, feel like the system used to check dress codes should be re-examined.
Fighting Back
Despite following the dress rule, Clare still felt targeted and was almost denied entry to the event. Not to mention, she was the only one to be kicked out of the prom when there were 500 teens present.
Social Support
The story of Clare’s nightmare experience at her prom has turned many heads and raised many eyebrows. She has received a ton of support on her blog and through Facebook.
Social Support
Many people are asking why there has been no formal response by the Richmond Homeschool Prom or from those who took action that night. There were promises made that no-one kept.
The Road Ahead
Even though Clare’s story brought many opinions to the floor, we have to wonder what there is to make of all this? Was the prom’s administration right in the way that they dealt with the situation?
The Road Ahead
Should young girls be subjected to this kind of scrutiny and what would be the result if not? There are many questions and opinions, but maybe we should all revisit the purpose of prom and take it from there.